I am concerned about parenting in America. While I am not a parent yet, and do not therefore write from direct parental experience, I can see from those around me what the challenges are. I have also coached, taught, mentored, babysat and taken care of enough children to get a sense for the tremendous challenge of parenting. As a result, I have the utmost respect for all of you parents out there, especially the ones who take the role on diligently, with the highest sense of responsibility. It is clearly not an easy role. I also reflect back to my own childhood from a different, young adult perspective now. The general challenges of living are escalating, with increasing financial pressure on nearly everyone, and society’s support structures seem non-existent to most. Even if you are handling your family life well and staying on top of your affairs, you can just feel it getting worse overall in our society, can’t you? Who is to blame? More importantly, what is within your grasp as a parent when it comes to your children’s education?

In the previous post – Fixing and Funding Education in the U.S. – I discussed five key non-formal education categories, that are supplemented by the formal educational system (schools). To rehash those briefly -

1. education at home – from parents and family;
2. education from media – which reflects influences from TV, Internet, video games, newspapers, advertising, politicians and businesses;
3. extracurricular education – from coaches and non-formal teachers, such as a piano teacher, religion teacher or camp counselor;
4. education from social influences – friends, activities with friends, and members of one’s surrounding community; and last but not least,
5. self-education – interests which one chooses to pursue as a result of their own inclinations and/or influences from any of the categories above.

Today, I want to focus on #1 from this list – Education at Home, which begins with parenting and also includes influences from siblings. Education at home drives and shapes all of the subsequent non-formal education areas, such as education from media and extracurricular activities. So let’s start with a list of thought-provoking questions, that are directly correlated to how kids develop their minds, bodies and life skills. The questions are mostly related to how you and your children spend time and energy in a typical week. If your kids are still too young for some of the items, this can be a great opportunity for you to contemplate what your approach might be to these issues.

1. What is your kids’ level of physical health and fitness?
2. How many hours per week do your children watch TV?
3. How many hours per week are the kids playing video games or chatting/playing on the computer?
4. How much time each week, on average does the whole family spend together?
- Just the family unit, without friends?
- Just the family unit, talking or interacting, without the TV on, video games or other technology involved?
5. How much one-on-one time does each child typically spend with one or both parents each week?
6. How much time do your children spend reading (or have a parent or sibling read to and with them) each week?
7. How much time do your children spend studying each week? Do you check or help them with homework?
8. How often do your children meditate, pray or have any kind of moral, spiritual or religious rituals?
9. What kinds of chores and responsibilities do your kids have in the home?
10. Money & Allowance: What is your philosophy towards money when it comes to your kids?
- Do they receive a set allowance?
- If so, how much do they get?
- From what age did allowance start and how has the amount changed over the years?
- Are there any rules or restrictions on the allowance?
- Do you encourage your kids that are of age to work?

1. What is your kids’ level of health and fitness?
This is not a Yes/No question. Think objectively, which I know may be difficult for parents, about the level of where your kids stand in terms of physical health. If they participate in anything less than five different occasions of physical activity of at least 30-minutes per session, fitness is likely below par. And playing Nintendo Wii doesn’t count! Obesity, a rampant problem as we all know, is another key indicator of your children’s health in an area directly related to parenting. Hopefully, they are getting at least two home-cooked meals per day, with the possibility of a third, if lunch is prepared at home and brought to school. Snacking and eating between meals is fine, as long as it is monitored to some degree. What your kids eat, as well as how much, makes all the difference. Remember, generally speaking, they eat what is in the household. So if your kids eat a lot of junk food, then the question is who bought it, and why do they have free reign on the cookie jar? Shopping consciously and wisely, and bringing home fresh, healthy food, is one of the most important responsibilities for that parents have. Don’t short change it!

The key message that you need to take home from this item, which also holds true for most of the subsequent questions, is that kids will “do what you do, not what you say”. So don’t be a liability in your children’s education process! If you are drinking, smoking, over-eating, or not exercising regularly, there is a very high likelihood that they will end up doing the same exact thing, either now or when they get older. Even if you expose them to other good influences, such as great sports coaches and a positive school environment, children always revert back to what they see at home as their primary source of education.

One of the keys, in my humble opinion, after setting a good example through your own behavior, is to have reasonable rules in place, and to monitor your children well. I would advise not to monitor too rigidly, but do so routinely, especially during the pre-teen years. Make sure that your children are exposed to these rules, verbally as well as in written form. Consistency is important, as opposed to the typical scenario, where parents take advantage of their authority by judging things arbitrarily based on their own moods, current energy levels and personal interests. You have to be fair. Of course, parents reserve the right to “amend” the family rules, but it still makes sense to have somethings clearly articulated, which children can learn about and abide by. As it relates to health and fitness, several key rules of thumb should help keep everyone in the family, including parents, on track.
1. 5+ sessions of physical activity per week, which could be soccer practice, playing in the backyard, riding a bike, or wrestling with dad.
2. At least 2 servings of fruit and 2 servings of vegetables per day.
3. At least 10 home-cooked meals per week (which allows for eating out and ordering in several times per week).
4. Limitations on candy and snacking (to be determined by parents, and individual cases).
5. Portion control and management (to be determined by parents on a case by case basis; although some level of consistency is important). Learning and teaching how not to eat until one is full is critical. Over-indulgence leads to obesity, if not as a child, then as an adult.

That is a lot to digest (no pun intended), I know! I hope that you are not reeling too much, or running to the cookie jar, from all of these questions. While I won’t go into depth on the rest of them today, I promise that we will get to each point, as well as many others, over the coming months. I encourage you to stay with me, share your experiences by commenting to the posts or better yet, by participating in the 401kid Forums.

Remember, without a high-level of physical health and the positive energy that result from it, everything else in life becomes less important and potentially more problematic, including all of the other aspects of education that we discuss. The path which your children take when it comes to health and physical activity will follow very closely behind what you set forth as an example, in terms of your own life and habits, and a framework of household rules. So live well and so will your kids!

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The purpose of 401kid.com and this blog is to raise awareness on issues, engage with people of all races and classes around the world, and provide useful solutions in the area of education. A major focus is put on America because well, this is where I was born and raised; as my home country, America is my backyard, and therefore I feel obligated to address problems at home as a top priority. With my business having offices in the U.S. and Asia, and my family from the Middle East and now dispersed through Europe and Canada, I have global connections as well. We are all global citizens first and foremost, which unfortunately our country’s “leaders” and many other world leaders, seem to forget. A good analogy is to think about our country as our home, and other countries as our neighbors. Or our country being equivalent to the individual – you – and others making up the members of your family – brothers, sisters, cousins, etc. We are all related. So while we must take care of ourselves and our homes as a primary responsibility, seeking and providing help to others, and sharing our experiences and best practices, is essential for solving the world’s problems, including education.

How the U.S. goes about fixing its deplorable educational system is, along with healthcare and energy, one of the major challenges of our time. I don’t think we can sit back and depend upon government solutions, although we must pay attention to whose in charge and encourage appropriate investments into formal and supplemental education programs. After all, it is the people’s hard-earned tax dollars at hand, which should be redistributed in service of we the people. Isn’t that the American promise and way the system should work?

Politics aside, by “education”, I am referring to more than just formal education received in schools, although of course that is of central importance. We also consider the following forms of education to be pivotal in shaping the lives of children and influencing their futures:
1. education at home – from parents and family;
2. education from media - which reflects influences from TV, Internet, video games, newspapers, advertising, politicians and businesses;
3. extracurricular education – from coaches and non-formal teachers, such as a piano teacher, religion teacher or camp counselor;
4. education from social influences – friends, activities with friends, and members of one’s surrounding community; and last but not least,
5. self-education – interests which one chooses to pursue as a result of their own inclinations and/or influences from any of the categories above. For example, say your daughter takes a liking to animals, and decides to pick up a book on “Cats & Dogs”. That becomes an important part of her self-education.

There are many ways to slice these non-formal education categories, and there is significant overlap and interplay between these five. For example, media influences can be highly controlled by parents, in terms of what the household rules are for video games, Internet and TV, which may differ from what the rules are in the homes of your children’s friends. Further, you may notice that these five non-formal education categories are less tied into government funding and support, which puts the onus more on parents, communities and children themselves. That’s right, you – young men and women of the world – must take on some of the responsibility for properly educating yourselves, by choosing good influences and activities, and utilizing the modern world’s technology for your own benefit. I can hardly imagine how much smarter I could have been as a child if I had Wikipedia and Google at my fingertips! On the flip side, I could have been that much more distracted and pulled away from playing sports and being a physically active child.

To date, since launching in 2000, 401kid has been focused primarily on providing formal education funding advice through the development of ESP Wizard. The software is excellent and along with the associated calculators, provides a good starting point for a family’s education financial planning.

However, we have always known and I sense now more than ever, that education funding through 529 plans, other savings vehicles and financial aid optimization, barely addresses the education problems faced by most Americans. While continuing to provide sound financial planning advice through 401kid software, we have to expand the scope of our discussion to include other solutions, such as distance learning, studying abroad and other forms of formal higher as well as primary and secondary school education. Let’s start talking more seriously about these non-formal education categories, and how they are significant components of education.

For example, who should be responsible for the state of our youth’s health and rampant obesity and diabetes in the U.S.? It can’t be put squarely on schools and the formal education process, although of course, they must be part of the solution. Remember, it all starts at home, and kids follow what they see, more so than what they hear, from parents. Therefore, we must take the conversation beyond education of kids to education of all members of our society. All of life is an opportunity for us to raise our level of awareness and to better ourselves internally, morally and in practical ways that benefit our families and society at large. Individually, we must take our own education into our own hands, rather than waiting for the government to facilitate our development. Absolutely, we must be aware of political issues and try to elect the most suitable candidate for President – the one who will do their part to address social issues and various aspects of the education problems; honestly, I’m not sure which candidate will actually do a better job, if elected, although Obama seems a lot more sincere and ethical given what I have learned. Let’s see what happens during the debates, but not put all our stock in who wins this election because either way, you have to get up and go to work the next day, take responsibility for your own life and provide the best education – formal and non-formal – to your children.

If the state of education does not improve in the U.S. through drastic policy change, which is possible, we are in for greater financial challenges, that must be met admirably through our own creative solutions at the community and family level. More will be said on this topic over the coming months. For now, the main message that I want to convey is the following. We must take matters into our own hands, in terms of both non-formal and formal education. As a proactive parent, you can educate your child, manage what influences they have, and be involved in what they’re learning at school. If the teachers are no good, encourage them to learn more actively from their books, online research and current events. If college seems too expensive, consider local colleges, technical schools or study abroad programs. In this competitive global economy, the value of a traditional four-year higher education programs is coming under question; so if the expenses are out of budget, consider alternatives which may actually teach your children useful trade skills that manifest in technical job opportunities, either here or abroad. We have to start thinking out of the box a little bit more, and coming to terms with the fact that there are many aspects of education, and ways for young individuals to develop important life and career skills.

As always, I invite your comments and feedback.

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