Education Starts and Ends at Home

I am concerned about parenting in America. While I am not a parent yet, and do not therefore write from direct parental experience, I can see from those around me what the challenges are. I have also coached, taught, mentored, babysat and taken care of enough children to get a sense for the tremendous challenge of parenting. As a result, I have the utmost respect for all of you parents out there, especially the ones who take the role on diligently, with the highest sense of responsibility. It is clearly not an easy role. I also reflect back to my own childhood from a different, young adult perspective now. The general challenges of living are escalating, with increasing financial pressure on nearly everyone, and society’s support structures seem non-existent to most. Even if you are handling your family life well and staying on top of your affairs, you can just feel it getting worse overall in our society, can’t you? Who is to blame? More importantly, what is within your grasp as a parent when it comes to your children’s education?

In the previous post – Fixing and Funding Education in the U.S. – I discussed five key non-formal education categories, that are supplemented by the formal educational system (schools). To rehash those briefly -

1. education at home – from parents and family;
2. education from media – which reflects influences from TV, Internet, video games, newspapers, advertising, politicians and businesses;
3. extracurricular education – from coaches and non-formal teachers, such as a piano teacher, religion teacher or camp counselor;
4. education from social influences – friends, activities with friends, and members of one’s surrounding community; and last but not least,
5. self-education – interests which one chooses to pursue as a result of their own inclinations and/or influences from any of the categories above.

Today, I want to focus on #1 from this list – Education at Home, which begins with parenting and also includes influences from siblings. Education at home drives and shapes all of the subsequent non-formal education areas, such as education from media and extracurricular activities. So let’s start with a list of thought-provoking questions, that are directly correlated to how kids develop their minds, bodies and life skills. The questions are mostly related to how you and your children spend time and energy in a typical week. If your kids are still too young for some of the items, this can be a great opportunity for you to contemplate what your approach might be to these issues.

1. What is your kids’ level of physical health and fitness?
2. How many hours per week do your children watch TV?
3. How many hours per week are the kids playing video games or chatting/playing on the computer?
4. How much time each week, on average does the whole family spend together?
- Just the family unit, without friends?
- Just the family unit, talking or interacting, without the TV on, video games or other technology involved?
5. How much one-on-one time does each child typically spend with one or both parents each week?
6. How much time do your children spend reading (or have a parent or sibling read to and with them) each week?
7. How much time do your children spend studying each week? Do you check or help them with homework?
8. How often do your children meditate, pray or have any kind of moral, spiritual or religious rituals?
9. What kinds of chores and responsibilities do your kids have in the home?
10. Money & Allowance: What is your philosophy towards money when it comes to your kids?
- Do they receive a set allowance?
- If so, how much do they get?
- From what age did allowance start and how has the amount changed over the years?
- Are there any rules or restrictions on the allowance?
- Do you encourage your kids that are of age to work?

1. What is your kids’ level of health and fitness?
This is not a Yes/No question. Think objectively, which I know may be difficult for parents, about the level of where your kids stand in terms of physical health. If they participate in anything less than five different occasions of physical activity of at least 30-minutes per session, fitness is likely below par. And playing Nintendo Wii doesn’t count! Obesity, a rampant problem as we all know, is another key indicator of your children’s health in an area directly related to parenting. Hopefully, they are getting at least two home-cooked meals per day, with the possibility of a third, if lunch is prepared at home and brought to school. Snacking and eating between meals is fine, as long as it is monitored to some degree. What your kids eat, as well as how much, makes all the difference. Remember, generally speaking, they eat what is in the household. So if your kids eat a lot of junk food, then the question is who bought it, and why do they have free reign on the cookie jar? Shopping consciously and wisely, and bringing home fresh, healthy food, is one of the most important responsibilities for that parents have. Don’t short change it!

The key message that you need to take home from this item, which also holds true for most of the subsequent questions, is that kids will “do what you do, not what you say”. So don’t be a liability in your children’s education process! If you are drinking, smoking, over-eating, or not exercising regularly, there is a very high likelihood that they will end up doing the same exact thing, either now or when they get older. Even if you expose them to other good influences, such as great sports coaches and a positive school environment, children always revert back to what they see at home as their primary source of education.

One of the keys, in my humble opinion, after setting a good example through your own behavior, is to have reasonable rules in place, and to monitor your children well. I would advise not to monitor too rigidly, but do so routinely, especially during the pre-teen years. Make sure that your children are exposed to these rules, verbally as well as in written form. Consistency is important, as opposed to the typical scenario, where parents take advantage of their authority by judging things arbitrarily based on their own moods, current energy levels and personal interests. You have to be fair. Of course, parents reserve the right to “amend” the family rules, but it still makes sense to have somethings clearly articulated, which children can learn about and abide by. As it relates to health and fitness, several key rules of thumb should help keep everyone in the family, including parents, on track.
1. 5+ sessions of physical activity per week, which could be soccer practice, playing in the backyard, riding a bike, or wrestling with dad.
2. At least 2 servings of fruit and 2 servings of vegetables per day.
3. At least 10 home-cooked meals per week (which allows for eating out and ordering in several times per week).
4. Limitations on candy and snacking (to be determined by parents, and individual cases).
5. Portion control and management (to be determined by parents on a case by case basis; although some level of consistency is important). Learning and teaching how not to eat until one is full is critical. Over-indulgence leads to obesity, if not as a child, then as an adult.

That is a lot to digest (no pun intended), I know! I hope that you are not reeling too much, or running to the cookie jar, from all of these questions. While I won’t go into depth on the rest of them today, I promise that we will get to each point, as well as many others, over the coming months. I encourage you to stay with me, share your experiences by commenting to the posts or better yet, by participating in the 401kid Forums.

Remember, without a high-level of physical health and the positive energy that result from it, everything else in life becomes less important and potentially more problematic, including all of the other aspects of education that we discuss. The path which your children take when it comes to health and physical activity will follow very closely behind what you set forth as an example, in terms of your own life and habits, and a framework of household rules. So live well and so will your kids!

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