I am concerned about parenting in America. While I am not a parent yet, and do not therefore write from direct parental experience, I can see from those around me what the challenges are. I have also coached, taught, mentored, babysat and taken care of enough children to get a sense for the tremendous challenge of parenting. As a result, I have the utmost respect for all of you parents out there, especially the ones who take the role on diligently, with the highest sense of responsibility. It is clearly not an easy role. I also reflect back to my own childhood from a different, young adult perspective now. The general challenges of living are escalating, with increasing financial pressure on nearly everyone, and society’s support structures seem non-existent to most. Even if you are handling your family life well and staying on top of your affairs, you can just feel it getting worse overall in our society, can’t you? Who is to blame? More importantly, what is within your grasp as a parent when it comes to your children’s education?

In the previous post – Fixing and Funding Education in the U.S. – I discussed five key non-formal education categories, that are supplemented by the formal educational system (schools). To rehash those briefly -

1. education at home – from parents and family;
2. education from media – which reflects influences from TV, Internet, video games, newspapers, advertising, politicians and businesses;
3. extracurricular education – from coaches and non-formal teachers, such as a piano teacher, religion teacher or camp counselor;
4. education from social influences – friends, activities with friends, and members of one’s surrounding community; and last but not least,
5. self-education – interests which one chooses to pursue as a result of their own inclinations and/or influences from any of the categories above.

Today, I want to focus on #1 from this list – Education at Home, which begins with parenting and also includes influences from siblings. Education at home drives and shapes all of the subsequent non-formal education areas, such as education from media and extracurricular activities. So let’s start with a list of thought-provoking questions, that are directly correlated to how kids develop their minds, bodies and life skills. The questions are mostly related to how you and your children spend time and energy in a typical week. If your kids are still too young for some of the items, this can be a great opportunity for you to contemplate what your approach might be to these issues.

1. What is your kids’ level of physical health and fitness?
2. How many hours per week do your children watch TV?
3. How many hours per week are the kids playing video games or chatting/playing on the computer?
4. How much time each week, on average does the whole family spend together?
- Just the family unit, without friends?
- Just the family unit, talking or interacting, without the TV on, video games or other technology involved?
5. How much one-on-one time does each child typically spend with one or both parents each week?
6. How much time do your children spend reading (or have a parent or sibling read to and with them) each week?
7. How much time do your children spend studying each week? Do you check or help them with homework?
8. How often do your children meditate, pray or have any kind of moral, spiritual or religious rituals?
9. What kinds of chores and responsibilities do your kids have in the home?
10. Money & Allowance: What is your philosophy towards money when it comes to your kids?
- Do they receive a set allowance?
- If so, how much do they get?
- From what age did allowance start and how has the amount changed over the years?
- Are there any rules or restrictions on the allowance?
- Do you encourage your kids that are of age to work?

1. What is your kids’ level of health and fitness?
This is not a Yes/No question. Think objectively, which I know may be difficult for parents, about the level of where your kids stand in terms of physical health. If they participate in anything less than five different occasions of physical activity of at least 30-minutes per session, fitness is likely below par. And playing Nintendo Wii doesn’t count! Obesity, a rampant problem as we all know, is another key indicator of your children’s health in an area directly related to parenting. Hopefully, they are getting at least two home-cooked meals per day, with the possibility of a third, if lunch is prepared at home and brought to school. Snacking and eating between meals is fine, as long as it is monitored to some degree. What your kids eat, as well as how much, makes all the difference. Remember, generally speaking, they eat what is in the household. So if your kids eat a lot of junk food, then the question is who bought it, and why do they have free reign on the cookie jar? Shopping consciously and wisely, and bringing home fresh, healthy food, is one of the most important responsibilities for that parents have. Don’t short change it!

The key message that you need to take home from this item, which also holds true for most of the subsequent questions, is that kids will “do what you do, not what you say”. So don’t be a liability in your children’s education process! If you are drinking, smoking, over-eating, or not exercising regularly, there is a very high likelihood that they will end up doing the same exact thing, either now or when they get older. Even if you expose them to other good influences, such as great sports coaches and a positive school environment, children always revert back to what they see at home as their primary source of education.

One of the keys, in my humble opinion, after setting a good example through your own behavior, is to have reasonable rules in place, and to monitor your children well. I would advise not to monitor too rigidly, but do so routinely, especially during the pre-teen years. Make sure that your children are exposed to these rules, verbally as well as in written form. Consistency is important, as opposed to the typical scenario, where parents take advantage of their authority by judging things arbitrarily based on their own moods, current energy levels and personal interests. You have to be fair. Of course, parents reserve the right to “amend” the family rules, but it still makes sense to have somethings clearly articulated, which children can learn about and abide by. As it relates to health and fitness, several key rules of thumb should help keep everyone in the family, including parents, on track.
1. 5+ sessions of physical activity per week, which could be soccer practice, playing in the backyard, riding a bike, or wrestling with dad.
2. At least 2 servings of fruit and 2 servings of vegetables per day.
3. At least 10 home-cooked meals per week (which allows for eating out and ordering in several times per week).
4. Limitations on candy and snacking (to be determined by parents, and individual cases).
5. Portion control and management (to be determined by parents on a case by case basis; although some level of consistency is important). Learning and teaching how not to eat until one is full is critical. Over-indulgence leads to obesity, if not as a child, then as an adult.

That is a lot to digest (no pun intended), I know! I hope that you are not reeling too much, or running to the cookie jar, from all of these questions. While I won’t go into depth on the rest of them today, I promise that we will get to each point, as well as many others, over the coming months. I encourage you to stay with me, share your experiences by commenting to the posts or better yet, by participating in the 401kid Forums.

Remember, without a high-level of physical health and the positive energy that result from it, everything else in life becomes less important and potentially more problematic, including all of the other aspects of education that we discuss. The path which your children take when it comes to health and physical activity will follow very closely behind what you set forth as an example, in terms of your own life and habits, and a framework of household rules. So live well and so will your kids!

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Service Learning–it’s a big trend gaining increased popularity on college campuses nation-wide. Do you know someone–a son or daughter, niece or nephew, grandchild or friend–currently in college who is participating in a Service Learning program? If so, you may be quietly wondering about the specifics of this experiential education approach and feeling eager to learn more.

So, what exactly does “Service Learning” mean? When students enroll in a Service Learning course, it indicates the professor has included a community service component as a class requirement. The hands-on service component represents a large assignment, but it doesn’t necessarily replace other traditional requirements such as a research paper or final exam.

In a Service Learning course, students demonstrate an in-depth understanding by integrating the course material with the lessons gained from their direct service. This learning objective is typically accomplished through a paper, presentation, or other reflection method such as a journal. The amount of service and reflection required is decided by the professor. Consequently, Service Learning programs do vary depending on the academic focus, integration activities, and level of civic engagement.

Curious about the advantages of Service Learning? What do students gain from a Community Based Learning approach?
Benefits include:

Understanding the integration of theory and practice

Making a vital contribution to serve local community’s needs

Gaining civic skills and competencies

Sharing learning and service with peers

Acquiring leadership and mentoring skills

Learning in a real-world environment

Feeling enthusiasm for relevant coursework and community based problem-solving

From the Ivy League to state schools, many institutions of higher learning are now providing community based learning (CBL) for students. Currently, some of the most respected and innovative Service Learning and Civic Engagement programs are offered by: Northeastern (MA); Alverno College (WI); Antioch (OH); Brown (RI); Duke (NC); Georgetown (DC); Marquette (WI); Michigan State; Providence College (RI); Stanford (CA); Trinity College (CT); University of California-Berkeley; University of Colorado-Boulder; University of Michigan-Ann Arbor; Notre Dame (IN); University of Pennsylvania and Colorado College. Opportunities for Service Learning abound from coast to coast.

With so many colleges designing and implementing Service Learning programs, there are more choices than ever for community-service oriented students. Encourage your college-bound children to check out schools, that implement Service Learning, in the geographic region(s) of interest to them. When students learn more by helping their local communities grow stronger, it’s a win-win for everyone!

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Hi Dr. Crespin,
My son just finished his junior year and is a dual major in Psychology and Government at a small liberal arts college out West. He mentioned he’s going to do a Service Learning program when he gets back to campus in the fall. I have some real concerns about his plan, as a parent, that I wanted to discuss with an educational specialist and career coach like you.

His grades have been good (mostly A’s, some B’s) and I want to make sure they stay that way. As you know, college now costs a small fortune; I don’t see any point in him taking on extra responsibilities that give him less time for homework and studying. Wouldn’t that hurt him when he enters the job market?

Also, I am wondering what Service Learning actually means? I’m not sure we had that at my school, but college for me was back in the day! I guess I’m just worried that Service Learning really isn’t worthwhile for my son, given the cost of college tuition these days.

Thanks for your advice.
Sincerely,
Concerned Mom

Dear Concerned Mom,
Thank you for your terrific questions! I’m happy to act as an educational and workplace consultant on your behalf. Now, let’s tackle the concerns you shared. For a detailed explanation of Service Learning, please take a look my other blog on this topic. It will orient you to this exciting, hands-on educational approach. You won’t want to miss it!

Participating in a Service Learning program will detract from neither your son’s coursework, nor any other academic plans. In fact, it’s an especially good match with your son’s dual major in Psychology and Government. Why? Because most Service Learning programs provide not just opportunities to serve the community, but also germane classes in civic engagement, leadership, and social justice.

Service Learning programs also vary somewhat. Northeastern University and Colorado College, for example, both offer exceptional but unique opportunities for students. For a better understanding of your son’s specific program, just go to his college’s website and enter the words “Service Learning” in the search engine. It’s perfectly alright to contact the Service Learning director by phone or email, too. Once you research it a bit, you’ll gain more clarity regarding the many benefits of his Service Learning program.

A final word of reassurance? Your son’s employability will be enhanced when he graduates. Service Learning experience impresses employers; it demonstrates maturity, empathy, teamwork skills, and a commitment to serving those in need. Coursework is also considered important, but as far as businesses are concerned, there’s no substitute for real world experience. After learning more about all the positives inherent in Service Learning, I hope you feel proud of your son’s decision. It’s a great one that will serve him (and the community) well!

Sincerely,
Dr. Cynthia A. Crespin

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Hi Dr. Crespin,

I’m so glad to have the chance to talk with an education expert like you. I know from your bio that you have tons of experience relating to college and career issues, so I wanted to ask you some questions, if that’s OK. Lately my niece, who is majoring in Business, has been talking a lot about doing a Minor in Leadership Studies. Yesterday, she told me she had decided to do it. For me, this seems like a big red flag. Shouldn’t she be focusing on her major?

What is this stuff anyway? We didn’t have it back in my day. Is it really worth her time, not to mention my sister’s (her mom’s) money? I’m just worried that this leadership thing is a big waste of time and that because it’s not standard coursework it could hurt her chances of getting a good job when she graduates.

Please let me know what you think. Your opinion means a lot to me.

Thanks,
Anxious Auntie

Dear Anxious Auntie,

Thanks for all the great questions! It’s great to hear from you and I’m glad to serve as a helpful resource for you. Let’s address those concerns of yours one at a time.

First, pursuing a Minor in Leadership Studies will not detract from her Business coursework, or any other coursework for that matter. On the contrary, it’s a big plus from many angles. A Minor in Leadership Studies is a natural accompaniment to almost any major. It’s like a Coke and fries, it goes great with just about everything! In particular, it’s a great fit with Business because most Minors in Leadership offer relevant classes in Ethics, Public Speaking, and Communication.

Programs that offer a Minor in Leadership Studies do vary, however. For example, Northeastern offers a three-track system. Students can choose to specialize in Public Policy, Women and Leadership, or Military Leadership. It’s easy to learn more about the specifics of your nieces Minor in Leadership Studies curriculum. Just go to the website for her college and use the words “Minor in Leadership Studies” in the search engine. If you prefer a more low-tech approach, go ahead and give the program director a call. After doing your research, you’ll have a clearer picture of exactly what she stands to gain.

Bottom line: Graduating with a Minor in Leadership Studies will only add to, and never detract from, your niece’s career options when she graduates. Employers will view her leadership training very favorably as it will enhance her ability to contribute professionally in the workplace, making her a much more valuable employee. As a result, she will have an edge over many of her classmates by taking this non-traditional route. After learning more about the benefits a Minor in Leadership Studies, I hope you feel more confident about your niece’s decision. She’s lucky to have an auntie like you looking out for her. Encourage her to go for it!

Best Wishes,

Dr. Cynthia A. Crespin

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Dear Dr. Crespin,

I am a busy exec burning the candle at both ends. Actually, calling me a workaholic would probably be an understatement. Non-stop emails, conference calls, meetings, reports. I am under the gun and in the office morning, noon, and night (weekends, too). The bottom line is that the responsibility for the future of the company rests on my shoulders and it’s a huge load to carry. Burn out seems almost inevitable in my line of work and the only solution I can see is to keep working harder and putting in longer hours. To add to the stress, my oldest daughter is a college sophomore majoring in “Communications and student loans.” Every time we call her, she says she’s swamped with classes, campus activities, and her social life. Why would either of us spend the virtually non-existent free time we have on leadership education?

Sincerely,
Overwhelmed Exec

Dear Overwhelmed Exec,

Thanks for your response. That’s a great question””for both of you! Sounds like your daughter and you could benefit from leadership education programming. Those who participate in leadership education acquire vital information and skills to enhance their productivity and professionalism.

Self-assessments, administered and interpreted by certified trainers and psychologists, play a key role in leadership education. The results offer new insights about yourself and illuminate areas for growth. By utilizing leadership education, you gain:

Ӣ Deeper self-awareness of your communication, conflict resolution, and leadership styles.
Ӣ Greater understanding of your specific strengths, challenges, and preferences.
Ӣ Skills for better time management and working more effectively with others.
”¢ Techniques to motivate others and empower others’ optimal performance.
Ӣ Clearer, more innovative vision for yourself and for your organization.
Ӣ More involvement in your community (i.e., civic engagement).
Ӣ Renewed motivation and sense of purpose.

In your daughter’s case, I recommend she build upon her campus involvement and join a student leadership program. Not only will it benefit her personally, but she’ll be more attractive to employers when she graduates if she has both leadership experience and training. And guess what else? A better job for her means she can pay back her student loans much more quickly, which would take pressure off you.

I urge you to pursue a specific kind of leadership education called executive coaching. For example, check out the Center for Creative Leadership www.ccl.org/; it has over 35 years of experience, an outstanding reputation, and plenty of options tailored to your needs. Think of it as an investment in yourself and your own success, not to mention your company’s. Give it a try and I think you’ll see it’s more than worth your valuable time.

Best of luck!

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