I know that most parents worry about their children’s future economic security as a top priority. This is why 401kid has taken the pains to develop such a comprehensive education planning solution as ESP Wizard. However, at 401kid, we seek to engage parents, kids and communities in broader, more immediate issues, such as the quality of health, fitness and education that our children are experiencing right now. How can we continue planning effectively for the future while addressing today’s important needs, for ourselves as well as our kids? It is of no use being a martyr to your kids. Too many parents pride themselves on the noble idea that they are ‘putting the kids first’ at all costs. This could turn out to be a destructive attitude at the end of the day. Your kids need you as do you, to be healthy - physically, mentally and emotionally. What are you doing to ensure that?

Kids Learn By What You Do, Not What You Say.
Parents, uncles, big brothers and sisters, teachers and coaches - you are the role models that give kids a chance to mold themselves. Your every action counts. Think about the habits and emotional states that you picked up from your childhood, and you will recognize the power that your parents and childhood influences had upon you. Aside from my parents, I had a big brother who I idolized, and a very influential soccer coach, whose mentoring gave me a lot of discipline in the area of fitness and team work. That has stayed with me to this day. Do your kids have that type of positive influence outside of the household?

What Do You Do For You?
Ironically, one of the best things that you could possibly do for your kids is to do more for yourself. So many working mothers and fathers are crunched between work and home life, running the kids around, that they don’t make or reserve any time for themselves. Nothing can be more unhealthy in the long run. How can you change this as soon as possible? Here are some suggestions -
1. 15-minute workouts. If you don’t have time to get to the gym, then do something - whether it’s a run, some push-ups and sit-ups or yoga - for 15-minutes in the morning or evening every day.
2. Meditation and breathing exercises. Pick up a book or search the Internet for meditation and breathing practices, which you could do 2-3 times per day for as little as 5-minutes at a time. During this time, clear your mind as best as possible of all responsibilities and thoughts. You will be amazed at how rejuvenated you will feel, and as a result, how much more you will be able to give to your kids and others.
3. Plan some time off. This could entail long weekends if you can’t afford to get away for an extended trip. We all burn out at some point. Try not to wait too long between vacations or days off. When you do get time off, make sure that you do not spend it running around all day.
4. Something for you each week. When you sit down to plan your upcoming week, make sure that there is at least one activity or time slot where you - either by yourself, with your partner or some friends (i.e. without the kids) - do something that you chose, that you thoroughly enjoy. Whatever it is, make at least an hour for it. This is your time. Enjoy it.

It is very easy to start these kinds of things only to lose steam after a few weeks. Try making a checklist that goes on your fridge or desk, where you can refer to it daily. This might help keep you on track, and not to forget about yourself! Your kids will benefit more than anyone from your ’selfish’ behavior.

Bookmark :

Hi Dr. Crespin,
My son just finished his junior year and is a dual major in Psychology and Government at a small liberal arts college out West. He mentioned he’s going to do a Service Learning program when he gets back to campus in the fall. I have some real concerns about his plan, as a parent, that I wanted to discuss with an educational specialist and career coach like you.

His grades have been good (mostly A’s, some B’s) and I want to make sure they stay that way. As you know, college now costs a small fortune; I don’t see any point in him taking on extra responsibilities that give him less time for homework and studying. Wouldn’t that hurt him when he enters the job market?

Also, I am wondering what Service Learning actually means? I’m not sure we had that at my school, but college for me was back in the day! I guess I’m just worried that Service Learning really isn’t worthwhile for my son, given the cost of college tuition these days.

Thanks for your advice.
Sincerely,
Concerned Mom

Dear Concerned Mom,
Thank you for your terrific questions! I’m happy to act as an educational and workplace consultant on your behalf. Now, let’s tackle the concerns you shared. For a detailed explanation of Service Learning, please take a look my other blog on this topic. It will orient you to this exciting, hands-on educational approach. You won’t want to miss it!

Participating in a Service Learning program will detract from neither your son’s coursework, nor any other academic plans. In fact, it’s an especially good match with your son’s dual major in Psychology and Government. Why? Because most Service Learning programs provide not just opportunities to serve the community, but also germane classes in civic engagement, leadership, and social justice.

Service Learning programs also vary somewhat. Northeastern University and Colorado College, for example, both offer exceptional but unique opportunities for students. For a better understanding of your son’s specific program, just go to his college’s website and enter the words “Service Learning” in the search engine. It’s perfectly alright to contact the Service Learning director by phone or email, too. Once you research it a bit, you’ll gain more clarity regarding the many benefits of his Service Learning program.

A final word of reassurance? Your son’s employability will be enhanced when he graduates. Service Learning experience impresses employers; it demonstrates maturity, empathy, teamwork skills, and a commitment to serving those in need. Coursework is also considered important, but as far as businesses are concerned, there’s no substitute for real world experience. After learning more about all the positives inherent in Service Learning, I hope you feel proud of your son’s decision. It’s a great one that will serve him (and the community) well!

Sincerely,
Dr. Cynthia A. Crespin

Bookmark :

We all experience stress. Multitasking non-stop. So many places to go, people to see, things to do. Juggling work, relationships, the house, the bills, the kids, the sink full of dishes (and toddlers!)…Seems like the list of responsibilities never ends. Being on the go and on-the-job 24/7 has become the norm, leaving many people wishing they had more time for family, fun, and relaxation. And, as if every day stress weren’t enough…Sometimes, life throws you a curveball and you wind up coping with even more stress than usual.

Sound familiar? Take this short quiz if you’re feeling stressed and find out how much is too much.

1. Have you had a major loss in your life (such as death of a loved one, end of significant relationship, financial trouble)?

2. Have you had a major positive event in your life (such as a new baby, beginning a significant relationship, beginning graduate school, beginning a new job)?

3. Have you had a major change in your life (such as changing your major, moving into a new apartment, new roommate)?

4. Do you find yourself having difficulty managing any of the above? Are you experiencing physical symptoms of stress (such as trouble sleeping, an inability to relax, nervousness, a sense of being under pressure, restlessness, etc.)? Do you feel like you don’t have enough problem solving skills?

5. Do you find the stressors in your life are interfering with your motivation rather than motivating you?

If you answered yes to any of the first three questions in combination with any of the last two, then you may have too much stress in your life. If you think that you’re experiencing too much stress, consider meeting with a stress management specialist, taking a stress management workshop, or implementing some of my favorite stress busting techniques below.

1. Seek support. Sometimes talk is the best therapy. Coping with chronic stress or a specific emotional obstacle? Find a sympathetic ear. It could be a spouse, parent, psychologist, or your best friend. Share your feelings with anyone who cares about you. Venting can help you feel heard, understood, and supported, all of which reduce feelings of stress.

2. Prioritize. Think you can get it all done in a day? Think again. Superheroes are cartoon characters, not real people. Focus on accomplishing your top priorities, like saving for college, first. Tasks of low importance can and should wait. Remember to prioritize and you’ll free up precious time to create more balance. The reward? Feeling calm, cool, and collected.

3. Take time just for yourself. Leave a little wiggle room in your schedule for something fun. Pick a special activity that you particularly enjoy, whether it’s working out, going to a museum, or just hanging out with friends. Maybe it’s that fascinating new book you’ve meaning to read. Whatever it is, indulge in it for a while. Think of it as a mini-vacation. Recharge your batteries and get raring to go!

Bookmark :

Dear Dr. Crespin,

I just had a bombshell dropped on me. Today, my wife told me she is pregnant with our third child. It was quite the Father’s Day surprise! I’m thrilled, of course, but also really concerned about how we are ever going to manage day-to-day life, not to mention saving for college.

I’m really feeling kind of overwhelmed by this situation. She is due in February 2008, which means we’ll have a newborn, a two year old girl and a four year old boy. I have a good job, and my wife works part-time, but I’m still afraid we are just not going to make it financially. The thought of that much chaos in the house is also freaking me out in a major way. Any advice you have to help me deal with all this stress would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks in advance,
Seriously Stressed Dad

Dear Seriously Stressed Dad,

First, allow me to congratulate you on your growing family! That is wonderful to hear. Of course, the first reaction to this kind of life altering news can be feelings of not only joy and excitement, but also anxiety and concern. And, that’s OK and totally normal. Having children presents lots of long-term responsibility and the expectations that parents put upon themselves to meet their children’s needs can significantly compound the stress.

My recommendations? Combat worry by taking action. Control what you can and let go of the rest. What does that mean for you specifically? Take advantage of the extra time you have now, before the baby arrives, and research 529 plans. Just taking that first step will help you gain clarity about the process. Consequently, you will feel much more informed, relaxed and in control.

Planning for the future, by implementing a detailed budget, will also reduce your stress levels. You can use a computer program or go low-tech with pen and paper, whichever method you prefer is fine. The point is to keep track of expenses closely so that you feel empowered by your finances rather than panicked. Remember, you control your spending, your spending doesn’t control you.

Finally, let’s address those fatherly fears. You’re right–the confluence of diapers, feedings, toys and tantrums inevitably creates a hectic home life. The solution? Forget perfection and, for that matter, the dirty laundry. Just embrace it and remember that one day your children will leave home to lead their own lives, to go off to college, to see the great big wide world. So, savor those little ones while they still are little. The chaos will be real, but it will also be temporary. And, who knows, you might just come to enjoy it.

Hoping for even more help with stress? Check out my stress quiz, chock full of great tips for managing stress.

Again, best of luck, congratulations, and Happy Father’s Day!

Sincerely,
Dr. Cynthia A. Crespin

Bookmark :

Dear Dr. Crespin,
I’d like to enlist your help and advice, whenever you have a second. I’ve been thinking a lot about 529 College Saving Plans, and I know I should do something about this issue, but I just cannot motivate to take the next step. In fact, I’m not even sure what the next step is to be honest. When it comes to finance, I’ll admit I’m kind of clueless, but that’s no excuse.

I keep trying to figure out why I’m stuck on this issue. Usually when I procrastinate about something, it’s because it just doesn’t seem relevant. In this case, though, I know how important it is, but I am still procrastinating. I guess the whole thing is making me feel overwhelmed and nervous.

My daughter is seven and my son is four. Could you help me, please, before it’s too late?
Thanks,
Procrastinating Pop

Dear Procrastinating Pop,
Thanks for your terrific and timely question! As a psychologist with time management expertise, I can tell you that your reaction is totally normal. When faced with the issue of saving for college, plenty of parents procrastinate. You are right to be concerned, though; it’s a real challenge to overcome.

So, what causes procrastination? The triggers vary. To push past procrastination, let’s take a look at the top three reasons people delay instead of dealing directly with important issues like 529 College Saving Plans.

Perfectionism–If I cannot do it perfectly, why even attempt it? Having standards in the stratosphere will discourage you from initiating a task, never mind completing it. So, here’s a gentle reminder for all you self-critics. Perfection is, by definition, unattainable.

Inability to handle the task–What if it’s too hard? No one likes to feel like a bumbling idiot. If you believe that you lack the knowledge (in this case, financial know-how), skill, or resources to do the job, you may perceive the obstacle as insurmountable. The result? You’ll feel overwhelmed, as you noted, and avoid engaging in that particular task.

Fear of the unknown–What’s going to happen? If you’re venturing into a realm for the first time, you may lack a clear idea of what to expect. The uncertainty of that outcome creates fear (that nervousness you mentioned), which will hinder your motivation to move forward.

What’s a procrastinator to do? Let those unrealistic expectations go. Realize you can manage the task. Ask yourself, what’s the worst thing that could happen if I gave this a try? Once you acknowledge that the outcome will probably be OK, you’ll feel confident enough to begin something new, outside your comfort zone. Rely on 401kid.com to learn more about the 529 College Savings Plans. Getting started now, with just this first step, will give you the momentum to complete the task. Go on now””the sooner the better!

�

Bookmark :