We all experience stress. Multitasking non-stop. So many places to go, people to see, things to do. Juggling work, relationships, the house, the bills, the kids, the sink full of dishes (and toddlers!)…Seems like the list of responsibilities never ends. Being on the go and on-the-job 24/7 has become the norm, leaving many people wishing they had more time for family, fun, and relaxation. And, as if every day stress weren’t enough…Sometimes, life throws you a curveball and you wind up coping with even more stress than usual.

Sound familiar? Take this short quiz if you’re feeling stressed and find out how much is too much.

1. Have you had a major loss in your life (such as death of a loved one, end of significant relationship, financial trouble)?

2. Have you had a major positive event in your life (such as a new baby, beginning a significant relationship, beginning graduate school, beginning a new job)?

3. Have you had a major change in your life (such as changing your major, moving into a new apartment, new roommate)?

4. Do you find yourself having difficulty managing any of the above? Are you experiencing physical symptoms of stress (such as trouble sleeping, an inability to relax, nervousness, a sense of being under pressure, restlessness, etc.)? Do you feel like you don’t have enough problem solving skills?

5. Do you find the stressors in your life are interfering with your motivation rather than motivating you?

If you answered yes to any of the first three questions in combination with any of the last two, then you may have too much stress in your life. If you think that you’re experiencing too much stress, consider meeting with a stress management specialist, taking a stress management workshop, or implementing some of my favorite stress busting techniques below.

1. Seek support. Sometimes talk is the best therapy. Coping with chronic stress or a specific emotional obstacle? Find a sympathetic ear. It could be a spouse, parent, psychologist, or your best friend. Share your feelings with anyone who cares about you. Venting can help you feel heard, understood, and supported, all of which reduce feelings of stress.

2. Prioritize. Think you can get it all done in a day? Think again. Superheroes are cartoon characters, not real people. Focus on accomplishing your top priorities, like saving for college, first. Tasks of low importance can and should wait. Remember to prioritize and you’ll free up precious time to create more balance. The reward? Feeling calm, cool, and collected.

3. Take time just for yourself. Leave a little wiggle room in your schedule for something fun. Pick a special activity that you particularly enjoy, whether it’s working out, going to a museum, or just hanging out with friends. Maybe it’s that fascinating new book you’ve meaning to read. Whatever it is, indulge in it for a while. Think of it as a mini-vacation. Recharge your batteries and get raring to go!

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Dear Dr. Crespin,

I just had a bombshell dropped on me. Today, my wife told me she is pregnant with our third child. It was quite the Father’s Day surprise! I’m thrilled, of course, but also really concerned about how we are ever going to manage day-to-day life, not to mention saving for college.

I’m really feeling kind of overwhelmed by this situation. She is due in February 2008, which means we’ll have a newborn, a two year old girl and a four year old boy. I have a good job, and my wife works part-time, but I’m still afraid we are just not going to make it financially. The thought of that much chaos in the house is also freaking me out in a major way. Any advice you have to help me deal with all this stress would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks in advance,
Seriously Stressed Dad

Dear Seriously Stressed Dad,

First, allow me to congratulate you on your growing family! That is wonderful to hear. Of course, the first reaction to this kind of life altering news can be feelings of not only joy and excitement, but also anxiety and concern. And, that’s OK and totally normal. Having children presents lots of long-term responsibility and the expectations that parents put upon themselves to meet their children’s needs can significantly compound the stress.

My recommendations? Combat worry by taking action. Control what you can and let go of the rest. What does that mean for you specifically? Take advantage of the extra time you have now, before the baby arrives, and research 529 plans. Just taking that first step will help you gain clarity about the process. Consequently, you will feel much more informed, relaxed and in control.

Planning for the future, by implementing a detailed budget, will also reduce your stress levels. You can use a computer program or go low-tech with pen and paper, whichever method you prefer is fine. The point is to keep track of expenses closely so that you feel empowered by your finances rather than panicked. Remember, you control your spending, your spending doesn’t control you.

Finally, let’s address those fatherly fears. You’re right–the confluence of diapers, feedings, toys and tantrums inevitably creates a hectic home life. The solution? Forget perfection and, for that matter, the dirty laundry. Just embrace it and remember that one day your children will leave home to lead their own lives, to go off to college, to see the great big wide world. So, savor those little ones while they still are little. The chaos will be real, but it will also be temporary. And, who knows, you might just come to enjoy it.

Hoping for even more help with stress? Check out my stress quiz, chock full of great tips for managing stress.

Again, best of luck, congratulations, and Happy Father’s Day!

Sincerely,
Dr. Cynthia A. Crespin

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